Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
