I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i will never coherently bang her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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