You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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