Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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