Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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