I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
