So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
