all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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