there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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