get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
