i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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