Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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