I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
