i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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