D3 body, D1 cock
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
