The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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