So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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