why didn't you poke me back
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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