I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
