I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Farmville is her only friend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
