where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
