Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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