It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
