eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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