I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
