I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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