chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
