just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Still dying that you shit outside
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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