I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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