Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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