I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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