brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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