why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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