i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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