so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
