I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
