No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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