You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
