im having a threesome with these popsicles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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