I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
