I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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