One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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