Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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