OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
