Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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