At least make sure they are 18
Why
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
