I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
