So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
