so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Found your dick twin last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
