why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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