I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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