Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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