Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
