it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
