i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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