yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
