You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
