She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
