Got a toothbrush?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
