Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
