I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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