I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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