don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
