I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize