I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
