it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
