just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
