Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
