The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
